I started writing notes on my phone as our first weeks of pregnancy came and went. I wanted to record my feelings, my thoughts, my fears and excitement. Here are the first 10 weeks.
Pregnancy Week 4:
I had a feeling I might be pregnant. My husband I decided that this month we would start trying. In full honesty, I wasn't expecting it to happen right away. We had gone through phases in the past few months where we sort of tracked ovulation. Then we went back and forth on whether we were really ready to add to the family. The thoughts of a newborn and those long days and nights would make us pause. We felt like our old selves again. We loved the new stages with Brody. But we also always knew we wanted him to have a sibling. So November came and we both agreed it was time to start getting serious. We didn't think too deeply into it. Didn't calculate when a baby would be due if we conceived. Didn't plan on our casual Mexican food happy hour being my last margarita for a long time. Didn't enjoy one last feast of sushi (this, I regret). And so a week passed and I had some slight bleeding one-week before my period was due. Being a childbirth educator this time around, I immediately became suspicious that it was implantation bleeding. It fit every characteristic. I decided to keep it hush hush because I didn't want either of us getting too excited. I didn't want to assume anything, so I stuck that little tidbit of knowledge far in the back of my head and I went on my jolly way.
A week passed and Brody and I were in the Target parking lot (surprise, surprise). As we were pulling out, I had the urge to run into the store and buy some pregnancy tests. As soon as we got home and unloaded the car, I took it. I checked it out a few minutes later, and sure enough two faint lines. My first reaction? I freaked out. How were we going to survive the newborn phase again? How would Brody feel? A million thoughts raced through my mind. I sent my best friend and picture of the test with the words "freaking out". We had prayed, hoped and planned for this sweet addition and here I was with cold feet. I calculated the due date, the last week of July. Great, I thought, the exact week of our annual beach vacation. This would have been 20 some years in a row we attended. So much for being a planner. But as time started to pass I started getting excited. Really excited. I started picturing Brody as a big brother. The thought made me smile.
My husband was due home from work in the next hour. How would I share the news? I saw a fortune cookie sitting on the counter leftover from our takeout order the night before. I fished out the fortune and made my own. "You will be a big brother in July", I wrote. I stuck it in the cookie and told Brody he could have this cookie as soon as dad came home. When my husband walked through the door, the first word out of his Brody's mouth was cookie. I handed him the cookie and told him to give dad the paper inside. My husband, not the least bit suspicious (he reads every fortune cookie), flipped over the paper and started reading it outloud. It took a few seconds to hit, then his eyes became huge realizing what was going on. His genuine excitement filled me with joy. The rollercoaster of emotions, thoughts and feelings that come with pregnancy and a newborn have begun. So here we are, letting the dust settle, the parents of soon-to-be 2 kiddos and boy are we grateful for the blessing.
Pregnancy Week 5:
We’re hanging out at a birthday party. I overhear a recent mom of 2 comment on how much harder it is to have two than she ever expected. I look and my husband and we just give each other that look of "uh oh".
Pregnancy Week 6:
Nauseous. Ugh, it comes on in waves and is a double-edged sword. On one hand I have little to no appetite (except for hot fries which I’ve been craving all week) on the other hand, the empty feeling in my stomach almost feels worse. I stepped on the scale today and I saw my pre-Brody number. Two years later I finally lost those last pounds from my pregnancy with Brody. I guess it just took getting pregnant. Things are a bit mixed up.
I had our babysitter come over for an extra afternoon this week. I told her I had a project I needed to finish, but honestly I walked upstairs and locked myself in my room and took a nap. It felt good. She's coming back today and I may do the same. I feel a bit guilty, but I'm chalking it up as self-care and ain't nobody allowed to mess with this mommas self care. That's one thing I learned the hard way my first time around.
The highlight of the week? Finding out two of my favorite mom friends are expecting #2 as well. We adopted a family for the holidays and went out shopping together one night. Afterwards we headed to dinner and towards the end my friend asked me if we were going to have another. July I replied. And the table erupted in surprise and excited as 3 out of 4 of us shared our pregnancy news. The three of us are all due within a 9 week period. I'm getting excited.
Pregnancy Week 7
First prenatal appointment. Our insurance has changed since we had Brody, so this time I decided to use a midwife. I hate change. When I find something I like, I stick with it--hence the closet stuffed with striped dresses. But I think I am going to like the midwife. She definitely spent a lot more time with me than typical doctor appointments and it felt really personal and genuine. I do have to admit the mom guilt with babe #2 started today. When the midwife asked if I wanted an early ultrasound, I said yes (I told myself I would pass on this option). Ugh! But on one hand it was so reassuring to see our little embryo's heart beating. One of those moments that leave me in awe of the human body. Trying not to overthink things this time around. I'm vowing to write down all my crazy thoughts, worries and success this time around rather than keeping them bottled up. Writing is my therapy.
I wake up at 4:30am dry heaving in the toilet. Nothing comes up, although I almost wish it would in hopes of some sort of temporary relief. I hear Brody yelling in his room ready to get up. Praying I can fix his breakfast without making myself sick. Success. I get him situated with breakfast where I can see him from the couch. I lay down with a box of crackers. Even the tiny nibbles I am taking feel like too much, but I know this is the only way to cut the edge off the nausea. I doze off and awaken to two bottles of play dough in my face and Brody chanting "dough". He also has clumps of cereal in his hair. I'm too exhausted to clean it up. How did I fall asleep!? By mid morning I am feeling better. Feeling grateful for the flexibility of my schedule--I don't know how the moms who head to work in the mornings do this. I'm convinced they are superhuman.
Pregnancy Week 8:
Sleep. Nights consist of tossing and turning for hours. I keep waking up at 2 or 3 am and I can't go back to sleep. I've caught up on every news story in the world by 5am. I can't remember the last time I slept through the night. It's impossible not to compare this pregnancy to Brody's, but it is so different.
Feeling normal(ish). It's almost concerning. The past few days have been great. Energy, minimal nausea, I'm pleasant--the first time in weeks. Week 8 is known to be the peak of morning sickness for many, am I jinxing it? Perhaps. But for the moment being, I'm counting my lucky stars. Last night I was craving cornbread and I walked into my mom's house and what was sitting on the counter? A fresh pan of cornbread. Husband says I should buy a lottery ticket--I'm thinking he's right.
I jinxed it. Crackers and ginger ale are getting old.
Pregnancy Week 9
It's the day after Christmas and I woke up feeling oddly energized. There's a pep in my step today. Perhaps it was the whirlwind of Christmas and Christmas Eve and surprising our family with our exciting news. Or perhaps it's the new year on the horizon and my excitement to set goals, freshen up our home, make dreams happen. Regardless, I am excited and motivated today. Bottling up this extra energy and cleaning up our home which hasn't been cleaned nearly a month and a half. I'm fairly certain the dirty dishes have been sitting in the sink since last Wednesday. And our last trip to the grocery store was about 10 days ago. I've got some serious catching up to do, but I'm feeling grateful and excited for what is ahead.
A couch potato. That's what I was today. My husband commented that I was the sexiest potato he's ever seen, not even sure his sweet words could make this mess of a mom any more presentable. I woke up feeling great. Pretty perky and even had a little appetite. By lunch I was craving BBQ so we headed to our favorite butcher (The Pork Shop if you’re in Arizona) and before we even pulled into the tiny parking lot, I was green. Too nauseous to even be able to talk about food. Too nauseous for the bites of cracker I was forcing down my throat. Too nauseous to be anything but a couch potato for the rest of the day. So our mid-week date night sure didn't happen, but we are just going with the flow these days. I’m forever grateful for all of the extra hands in town for the holidays--they have sure been keeping Brody entertained!
Pregnancy Week 10
Date night success! I over did it a bit today, So by the time 4:00 rolled around and my husband asked me what I wanted to do for date night--I replied with pull into a parking lot somewhere and sleep. I wasn't kidding. We loaded Brody in the car and headed to drop him off at his grandma’s house. We ended up at the movie theater for the first time in a few months. We were those people that arrive right as the previews are rapping up. The lovely first row of seats were empty and waiting for us. We cried our way through the movie Lion--if you're a mom (especially a hormonal expectant Momma) it sure pulled at the heartstrings. Puffy eyed we headed to pick up Brody with a stop at Bahama Buck's along the way--snow cones are my cocktail of choice when margaritas are out of the question these days. As our last day of 2016 is just a night's sleep away, I am so grateful for the year we have had.
Feeling good for the third day in a row. I'm one of those weird people who thinks I'm jinxing it when I say things like this out loud, so I'm knocking on wood as I type this. This afternoon is my next midwife appointment. I feel calm about it. Pap smear, blood test, all that fun stuff. I'm just excited to hear the baby's heartbeat. I'm still not to the point where it feels real. Where it feels like we are going to have another baby in our home. That has yet to sink in. With Brody, I immediately started scoping out gear and nursery ideas and cute outfits. This time, I'm just looking around our house thinking what can get I get rid of? How can I make this more organized? What can I clean up? I have been stalking baby moccasins though. Those may be one of my first purchases for baby #2.
Midwife appointment #2. This one gave us a little scare when the Doppler couldn't detect a heartbeat. Usually 10 weeks is the earliest that they can detect heartbeats, but since we are nearly 11 weeks and the heartbeat couldn't be detected, the midwife was a little concerned. So we headed off to the ultrasound room once again. As the midwife prepped the machine, Brody decided to climb and squeeze his entire body into the basket under the stroller. Of course, getting stuck. I couldn't stop giggling as I watched my husband try to fish him out of the basket. The perfect distraction while the midwife worked to check on our little babe. Within minutes our little babe was up on the screen--heart beating perfectly. 4 little limbs. One arm lifted up almost as if giving us a wave. The tiny little babe rolled around full of energy. We left in awe of what just over 10 weeks can do. In awe of the human body. Full of gratitude for a beating heart and this little rambunctious one.
What was the hardest part of your first trimester? I'd love to hear.
PS: There's a giveaway for a Fawn Design Diaper Bag over on the Momma Society Instagram this week!